| pikchas? |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|08:28 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | whatever | ] |
so i'm back from cancun. a lot of crazy shit happened...like, the first day there i got stung by a jellyfish or something and i started horribly itching everywhere and i had to get a shot and a bunch of pills to take. then there was a hurricane and the hotel i was in was considered a refuge so all these people from other hotels came...and my family ended up sleeping part of the night in the bathroom because they were afraid the windows would break. i had to rub suntan lotion on a fat guy's prickly back (that was not cool)...and our plane on the way back was delayed four hours (we were about to stay another night) so we came home at 2:15 am. overall it was fucking awesome and i had such a great time with tracy when she arrived. i will never forget it.
( ****CANCUN**** ) |
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| cancun mexico. |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|04:36 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | best of you -- foo fighters | ] |
i'll see you there tracy
bye =) |
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| fuck this. |
[May. 15th, 2005|07:24 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | save tonight -- eagle eye cherry | ] |
i have not cried this hard since...i don't know when. it's like that crying where you just can't stop and the tears keep coming and that feeling in your throat just won't go away. and then right when you start to forget why you're crying you remember again and you start to cry even harder and it's just a vicious cyclefdskhsuiotjraioejyglkf
i hate the way my life is going right now.
every little thing hurts me so much now.
i just feel like crying all the time.
and then when i think about it it always ends up being my fault. it's ME. it's never anyone else. i really hate myself. i fucking loathe myself. i sometimes stop and look at myself and i just can't handle it. i can't handle life right now. it needs to stop.
i don't know what the FUCK is wrong with me.
reading this makes me fucking sick because i have become what i've always hated. not to mention i hate hypocrites. and right now i am a big, fat, fucking hypocrite. i try so hard to be happy and i think it makes it worse. i feel like i am constantly rude and fake and shitty to people.
OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO SAD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
if you are reading this and think i'm a little annoying piece of shit i do not blame you
and this is probably not about what you think it is but at the same time it is. and if you wonder what i mean then ask |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|06:43 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  tired | ] |
have you ever felt like if you were someone else and knew yourself you wouldn't like you?
have you ever been so fucking lonely it hurts?
it really hurts. |
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| thoughts |
[Mar. 27th, 2005|05:03 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | sitting, waiting, wishing - jack johnson | ] |
( jack johnson puts me in a really thoughtful mood. )
i am so happy it's spring. i wore a skirt today and it felt amazing.
i would really appreciate it if you would read this and comment. just tell me anything. just tell me what's on your mind, i'm here to listen.
EDIT: today a friend of my mom's family died in an avalanche. it made me think back to when my uncle got in a plane crash in alaska and got stuck in the snow and broke his back...
jesus christ. |
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| my brother's birthday |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|08:37 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  blah | ] |
i have an emo little brother.
and tomorrow he turns ten. wasn't being ten awesome?
wow i cannot believe he's ten.
happy birthday, paul! i love you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|01:52 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | close encounters | ] |
my dad needs to calm dowwwwn.
he just fought with me and then with my mom for like a half hour over the fact that i use body wash instead of bar soap. i don't fucking like bar soap and i don't care that we could save an insignificant amount of money if i used it.
what the hell???
anyway the real reason i'm updating is because i babysat the coolest kids ever last night. ( it was funnn... ) |
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| myspaaaaace/stalker |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|12:15 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | i dare you to moooove | ] |
i got a myspace profile a little while ago and people found me so i started using it...so if you want more recent pics and such check it out. i also have the link to it as my website on here.
<3
p.s. is it a normal thing for a guy you don't know to be "in love" with you and completely obsessed with you? like, not sleeping and crying all the time because they're not with you? like, signing up for myspace just to find your profile when they didn't even know if you had one to begin with? didn't think so. and it's funny how i'm supposed to want to go out with him. honestly, it's fucking scary. =/ and i really don't know how to handle it. any suggestions??
p.p.s. ( we're the cutest kids in the classsss )
EDITTTTTTT...
You are Kip Dynamite and you love technology.
Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS |
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| 25 |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:20 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | fame songs in my head | ] |
today is my parents' 25th anniversary.
25 years. if that's not love, i don't know what is.
it's ironic that the reason my mom met my dad is because her (abusive) husband at the time talked her into going into law school (where my dad was currently attending). it makes you think maybe everything does happen for a reason...
my parents have no trust in me. what so ever. it's because of this one time that i went to a guy's house with no parental supervision and my mom saw. she didn't say anything like "you can't hang out there" ... she let me in. and now they don't believe a single word i say. i basically can't do anything without them at least suspecting something. their fears are practically based on nothing and it's kind of getting ridiculous. i hardly ever do anything wrong but they make me feel like it. if they had any rational perspective on this they would see.
we got into a huge fight last night that ended with me just giving up and accepting the fact that they've lost all trust in me.
this entry makes me sound kind of depressed but i'm really not.
i have to re-audition for fame tomorrow... |
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| i have never been so sick |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|08:07 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | catch-22 | ] |
alright it's my turn to bitch...if you don't want to read it then don't.
i have never been so fucking sick.
i've now had a cough for three weeks, and another head cold on top of it for another week. and today i felt all woozy and naseous...i could barely stand up in foods and the smells in there made me want to hurl. i guess i ate something bad or something because it seems intestinal, and i almost threw up just now.
okay maybe i'm just being a little shit here, but don't you think this is getting a bit RIDICULOUS??! i mean wtf. fame auditions are tuesday. i have no fucking clue if i'll be able to sing by then, because i sure as hell can't now. i sound like a kid going through puberty whose nose is plugged with a fucking clothespin. i swear.
so i don't know if i'll be going to school tomorrow. it sucks because i know i'm going to miss like 436835453476893 hours of work and i really hate doing that.
to top it all off, the date i was supposed to have tomorrow got cancelled. i'm not mad though, it wasn't his fault. but it was probably for the best considering how i feel right now.
any calls or texts would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated.
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|08:14 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | creedence clearwater revival | ] |
yesterday my two amazing friends tracy and melissa surprised me as a late birthday present with this...
( chris has a mulllleeeettt )
i jumped into my pool today. that was not warm... |
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| merry christmas! <3 |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|11:39 am] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | christmas | ] |
so it's christmas eve. i really love this time of year. the music, the decorations, the people you spend time with, just how it feels.
merry christmas everyone. <3
( completely random pics )
1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
please do this...i think it'll be funny...!! |
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| san diego... |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|10:27 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
today my brother almost got hit by a train.
yeah. i fucking swear i'm not joking.
we went to san diego to see my aunt (who was there for business) today, and we were waiting for the train to pick us up and take us back to l.a. my mom realized that we were waiting in the wrong spot, so we had to run across in front of where the trains go by the platforms to get to where we needed to be. while we were running, our train came. and my brother kept running. it all happened so fast, but my mom screamed something (i don't remember what) and grabbed him with all her might to hold him back. and then the train stopped right on top of the place where my brother would have been.
he still could have died.
afterwards my mom was shaking. but she didn't cry. and my brother was totally fine, which is insane considering i'd call that a near death experience.
the more i think about it, the more disturbing it is.
so yeah.
just now my parents lectured my extensively about how i've been slacking off and how i shouldn't be going to friends' houses and fucking around and staying up late so much. so i couldn't do anything tonight. they don't trust me and i can't stand it. they make me feel like a failure, and i know i'm not.
i hate this place. please save me. |
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| green day... |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|12:53 am] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | bolero (RANDOM) | ] |
yesterday was absolutely amazing. i went with tracy, melissa, brandon, and jack to see green day. and my god i love them so much. it was fucking awesome. and i loved sharing that experience with the people i went with...it couldn't have been better. <3
( classic helen moments... )
aaahhhh good fucking times. i will never forget it. best concert i've ever been to. <3 |
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| so tired of being lonely |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|09:22 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | «music» |
| | homecoming - green day | ] |
someone needs to come over here
and tell me i'm beautiful, that i'm worth the world
that they're in love with me
and kiss me like i've never been kissed before
and make me forget everything.
p.s. green day tomorrow.<3 |
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| random! |
[Nov. 18th, 2004|10:01 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| | exhausted | ] |
so i felt like updating but now i'm not really sure what to say.
i've just been really exhausted today. emotionally and physically.
sometimes i feel like i'm taken for granted.
but...i love all my friends. so much. i really don't think i'd survive without you guys.
you know, i think you just need to laugh things off in life. it's so much more fun that way.
hey dom! we need to hang out again. =( (i miss september)
orly is picking me up from school tomorrow and we're going to starbucks. cuuute. =)
and hopefully this weekend is a tracy helen melissa sleepover...we need more of those. <3
i got my homecoming picture yesterday. this is ghetto i know...
haha i love it though. that was fun. |
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| no more getting into r-rated movies for me |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|06:56 pm] |
| [ | i am sooooooo |
| |  curious | ] |
alright so here's what happened.
on saturday, i went to get my hair trimmed and get new layers.
and the woman chopped off, like, 5 inches.
i now look like a five-year-old girl. no fucking joke, my hair looked like this in my kindergarten picture.
i've decided that i hate it. i might have to start straightening it again.
here's the before pic...
( and here's the after )
so what do you think? |
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| whoaasfjdlskfjwierotjsdflkdsfjdsifjdsiofdskfl |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|11:20 pm] |
it's really not appropriate to post this. but i don't give a fuck. guess what?
i'm single.
again.
but don't worry, i'm ok. everything will be ok
i love you all |
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